He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began. ~Leo Tolstoy

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Self publishing

I don't regret my plan to self-pub this romance. It was practically a throw-away book, written in 2009 and not even looked at until earlier this summer. Not to say I don't like it, am not proud of it, or am trying to lessen the blow of any potential negative reviews by being dismissive. Quite the contrary. I've grown to be quite fond of the thing, which makes me even MORE nervous as I prepare to kick into the world. But that's what it was intended for. I half-assed tried to shop it to agents (and by half-ass I mean my query letter was sincerely craptastic, my synopsis filled with typos; just a mess). But about a day after I finished a query blitz I realized how silly that time spent was as I moved ahead with self-publishing plans.  In short, this sucker was born to be self-pubbed and self-pubbed it shall be.

However, as the day grows closer, the self-doubts are piling up like rejection slips. Or roaches; they scuttle in from everywhere and I don't know where they come from since half of the worries are those I've never even remotely entertained before, even on my worst days. No sense in hashing them out here (or giving them credence) they all just boil down to one to one shining, robust fear: NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

NGE is a pesky little bugger; a chameleon that takes all shapes and sizes and colors and tenors, whispering sweet nothings in my ear as I edit. So silly, really, when one considers I'm not going to stop. I'm still going to publish it, so aside from striving to make it better, I don't see why NGE bothers. The show's going to go on motherf*cker, so shut yer piehole etc etc tough talk hoo-ra etc

In other news, loving the design the graphic artist came up with for my cover. NGE had a lot to say about its flaws, but when my initial reaction is to tear up slightly for joy, I know that NGE is full of shit.  ;)

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